ok i've decided ... my self-diagnosis is that i am mentally and emotionally unstable ... i wouldn't be surprised if i died with a deep mental disorder ... sometimes, the way i act makes me think that i'm seriously losing it ... like one day i'll crack ... and i won't be me any longer ... not just a normal change ... but i'll cross the line to psychosis ...
there's something wrong with me ... off and on, often on, i feel like crying ... so many problems, headaches, back pains, body aches, ulcers, eye pains, waking in the middle of the night ... i mean sure this is all normal for a lot of people ... but there are so many factors ... stress, dad's death, high school ending and college starting, mom's overworking, monetary problems, and my endless chase of guys
i can't really figure out this endless chase of guys ... but i have found someone like me ... holly golightly from breakfast at tiffany's ... i've noticed ... i'm a lot like her ... tons of guys but then i run away ... and i especially run away when it gets good ... when there may be committment ... when they start to like me more and get more clingy i suddenly snap out of it and push them away ... like she said ... you can't keep loving wild things because the more you love them the more they'll fly away till they reach the sky ... so i'm sorry to all the guys i may have hurt or acted excessively strangely towards ... it's as though i look for love but dread it ... i'm a hazard to myself and all those around me ... *sigh*
